Who’s Life Are You Living?

The words we use matter.  

Especially when it comes to how we use them to reference how our time is spent.  Or, read another way:  how our life is spent.

The words in this case are Obligation and Commitment.

When we say that we’re obligated to do something, we’re handing over our lives to someone else.  When we say we are committed, we keep it to ourselves.

Obligation is derived from external pressure.  From someone else.

Commitment is derived from internal pressure.  From ourselves.

Consider the differences in these statements regarding a mobile phone bill:

I am obligated to pay this bill. (someone else said I have to)

I am committed to paying this bill. (I decided this was going to be done)

While obligation relies on external pressure, commitment stems from an internal decision to honor one's word. This shift in perception creates a framework for sustainable vs unsustainable burdens.

By being obligated, we’re letting someone else choose.  By choosing commitment, individuals maintain ownership of their outcomes – and the ability to change them. This internal ownership is essential for long-term energy and successful decision-making processes.

Internal Motivation vs External Duty in Standards

Obligation often feels like a heavy weight placed by others. It relies on external motivation. This structure puts the authority for outcomes on outside parties. People living through obligation may feel unable to adjust their future circumstances.

In contrast, commitment is an internally driven standard. It is a promise made to oneself. The ownership of the outcome stays with the individual. Shifting the perception toward commitment places authority back on the person.

It allows the individual to be true to their own values. It allows for personal ownership.

The Power of A.G.E. in Personal Ownership

This personal ownership then allows for the application of the Power of A.G.E. cycle. This framework integrates Accountability, Grit, and Empathy to manage change.

Accountability is the decision to evaluate an outcome. It is the power to start a change or choose a new path.

Grit provides the fortitude to finish. It combines passion with hope to fuel the long haul.

Empathy evaluates the impact of these decisions on other people.

Let’s say I did something for someone else and it compromised my values in some unexpected way.

If that thing was done out of obligation to someone else, that implies I had no choice in the matter and would be obligated to do it again if asked/told.

Change that around to I committed to the thing, and I now own the power of future outcomes.

If I don’t like the outcome, I can embrace the accountability of owning it, doing something about it, and deciding what changes to make.

I can evaluate if I possess the grit to endure those changes I want to make. Can I be consistent with the application.

I can then empathetically evaluate how these changes might affect other people in my life and whether they conform to my values.

If any answer to these doesn’t sit well with me, because this originates from my commitment, I have the power to repeat this cycle until the change does.

This cycle fails without personal ownership. An individual needs authority to make future adjustments to their life patterns.

Let’s bring this back to the “pay mobile phone bill” example from above.

If I’m obligated to pay the bill, I simply don’t have a choice. I have to pay it.

If I’m committed to paying the bill, but I don’t like it, I can choose to cancel or modify the service if it really is a problem.

Empowering vs Draining

Obligation imposes external values that often feel like demands. These external demands drain energy over time due to the friction of having to do what someone else wants.

Conversely, commitment aligns daily actions with personal standards by choice.  A far more empowering circumstance since I’m doing what I want (even if I’m slightly bothered by how much it costs in the case of the phone bill).

Personal ownership of decisions prevents this energy depletion. It reduces the risk of emotional burnout.

The ability to adjust decisions maintains long-term fortitude. Shifting from obligation to commitment transforms a task that steals moments of our life into a personal standard that defines who we are.

All from changing a word.

References & Further Reading

Journal References

• Koziol, C. (2021). Journaling’s Impact on Mental Health. UWL Journal of Undergraduate Research XXIV.
• Baikie, K. A., and Wilhelm, K. (2005). Emotional and physical health benefits of expressive writing. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment.
• Child Mind Institute. (2025). The Power of Journaling: What Science Says About the Benefits for Mental Health and Well-Being.